Enthusiasm
by Working-On-Sanity
Summary: A collection of the strangest and most bizarre Pokémon pairing one-shots; if it can't be done, it's found here. Examples of these oddities include Joy/Jenny, Victini/macaron, Oak/Delia, Tracey/Brock, and others. Contains Pokémon/Pokémon, Pokémon/human.
1. Officer Jenny X Nurse Joy

**ENTHUSIASM**

"_Mission: to write a collection of one-shots featuring the most impossible __Pokémon pairings."_

**Important Note: **Although this is a collection of odd pairing one-shots, and many other fictions following the same pattern do take requests, please note that I _do not take requests. _I'm lazy, and I'd be afraid to promise a chapter that I couldn't write. But don't let that deter you from offering any suggestions for strange pairings––I do accept all ideas from whoever is kind enough to offer them, though I may not use the ideas directly.

**A Note From Uzu: **I was originally going to post all these separately, but I really didn't want to have a bunch of 1000 word one-shots beneath my profile to make the scroll bar tinier. I decided to combine them all into one large fiction––this will include twerp-and-cohorts ships only. Since I love the Rockets much more, I'll be posting their crazy pairings as a different fiction.

Be warned that this will include pairings of male/male, female/female, Pokémon/Pokémon, and Pokémon/human. Perhaps even Pokémon/inanimate object or human/inanimate object. There will be no blatantly sexual scenes or activity––be surprised if I write two characters in a deeply involved kiss.

To start this off crazy, have a short mild Jenny/Joy scene.

* * *

**CloneShipping: Officer Jenny X Nurse Joy**

"Here's your Pokémon," Joy brightly announced, leaning over the desk and cupping a small Poké Ball in her palms. "It'll be just fine. Just make sure you take it easy for a while."

Considering her suggestion, the young boy peered into the distance; his eyes focusing, the clouds of thought scattering, he nodded decisively and accepted the plastic ball. "Thanks," he murmured, struggling to tuck the Poké Ball into the satchel that dangled from his belt. Without further word, he turned away, ambling toward the large exit doors and still engrossed in returning the Ball to his knapsack.

The loud slam of the doors closing resonated in the empty hospital building, the rumbling sound echoing from the white tile flooring to float as a tinny hum to the high ceiling. With a drawn-out sigh, Joy pressed her elbows to the counter, dropping her smooth chin to rest in her hands. The lobby of the Center was a pleasant place, but Joy always felt more at ease and comfortable when the chairs lining the walls were occupied by chattering people and their Pokémon.

Her blue eyes dusky with boredom, Joy shifted her weight to rest on one foot, the sole of her slipper squeaking against the waxed floor and her hip jutting. Idly, she crossed her ankles, staring through the smudged glass of the door as if awaiting the arrival of a new patient.

Her empty gaze slowly traveled downward, and with some spark of interest, she regarded the book of appointments that had been spread on the counter before her. A long list of names had been neatly printed on the lines in her own painstakingly perfect handwriting, each coordinating with the time of their scheduled visit. She slipped her finger beneath the page, thumbing through the leaves of paper until a soft thump arrested her attention.

She glanced up, her strawberry blonde pigtails bobbing with the motion. Upon recognizing her visitor, her face became lifted by a pleasant smile.

"Good evening, Officer Jenny," she greeted, lowering her head in acknowledgment. Her white cap nearly topped from her crown, and she quickly straightened, adjusting it back to the center of her head.

Jenny laughed lightly, raising her hand to grasp the firm bill of her own cap, lifting it politely. "Likewise. How's it going?"

Refusing to admit her lonesomeness, Joy clasped her fingers against her stomach, a demure grin bending her pink lips. "I've been fine. It's running a bit slow today."

"Same here." Jenny's harsh, characteristically loud voice betrayed her disgust. "I haven't had a call all day."

Risking offending the policewoman, Joy nervously scratched her manicured nail against her white cheek. "Isn't that good, though? People call the police when something's gone wrong. No calls means nothing's happened around here."

Jenny watched her for a long moment, her eyes hard and steely with an oddly appraising darkness. Finally, as if confirming some hidden suspicious, she gave a bark of appreciative laughter.

"You're a character, Nurse Joy," she decided, tugging her expression into a catlike simper. Sniffing back her amusement, she curled her gloved fingers around the belt strap that hugged her shoulder and offered Joy a quick, snapping salute.

"Well, I guess since there isn't much to do outside, I'll hang around here for a while." She swaggered as she sauntered toward the row of chairs, hooking the toe of her shoe beneath the rung and jerking the chair out. She seated herself clumsily, plopping to the cushion and crossing her legs. Her skirt pulled up her thighs, revealing a greater amount of smooth flesh to Joy's unsuspecting eyes.

Joy felt almost nervous with Jenny around––the officer was raucous and gruff, almost masculine in behavior. Joy herself was delicate and gentle, traits which were essential when caring for timid creatures such as were Pokémon, and she would not deny her femininity. But she wondered if the mixture of emotion that crowded in her belly was intimidation of Jenny––a nagging fear of her rowdy, no-nonsense attitude.

Anxiously, Joy retrieved a pen from the cup of writing utensils, pressing her thumb against the red healthcare symbol emblazoned on the side. Draping her arm over the surface of the appointment book, she hastily scrawled "_Jenny" _through one of the empty slots. She furtively squinted at the clock dangling from the wall; frowning, she wrote "_3:30" _beside Jenny's name, rolling her wrist and ending the number with a flourish.

"What're you doing?" asked Jenny curiously, and Joy started, the tip of the pen scratching across the paper. Tentatively, she looked up, self-consciousness prickling behind her forehead as she realized Jenny was closely watching her. Joy discreetly coughed, returning to her book and doodling a poor caricature of a Totodile in the corner of the page to busy her shaking hand.

"Me? I'm just checking off some of these appointments." She hummed softly, tapping the nib of the pen against the counter contemplatively. She was absorbed in her attempt at appearing active, acutely aware of Jenny's presence, and she didn't move from her drawing until a long shadow engulfed her.

"Nice picture," Jenny drawled, a note of sarcasm dampening her words. "Is this what you do all day?"

Shocked by Jenny's demeaning question, Joy swiped her hand to the side, dropping the pen in its holder before folding her arms over her large chest. She glared at Jenny through her curly fringe of rosy hair, an accusing glint in her eyes.

"I told you, Officer Jenny, today's been slow," she retorted firmly. "At least I haven't been sitting down for the last hour."

Taken aback by the small woman's sudden show of attitude, Jenny blinked, a smirk twisting her mouth into a parody of approval.

"Very good," she said, wiping her finger through the air as if marking a point on a scoreboard. "Spunky. I like that."

Horrified by Jenny's carefree impertinence, Joy helped herself to a step backward, her heels clapping against the floor and the strings of her apron fluttering behind her back. "I beg your pardon?"

Rather than giving a satisfactory answer, Jenny turned to leave, the set of handcuffs jingling from her belt as she strolled briskly toward the doors. She lingered for a moment, her palm resting on the handle, only her back and unruly blue ponytail betraying her thoughts.

"See you around, kid." With that final, gruff farewell, Jenny pushed through the door, leaving behind a heavy sense of content in her wake. Helplessly, Joy watched her depart, guilt nudging her mind––she regretted having defending herself. If she had kept quiet, Jenny would still be lounging in the padded chair, cracking her gum between her teeth and swinging her feet.

Longingly, Joy leaned over the counter, resting her cheek in her hand. Only the steady ticking of the clock made her remember that the time was drawing nearer for her to attend to another appointment. Standing straight, she slowly closed the heavy book, tucking it beneath the crook of her arm as she meandered into the empty operating room.

* * *

**A Note From Uzu: **Cliché personalities? I know, the girly-girl and the tomboy. But that was inevitable––the glorious show of _Pokémon _is not famous for its developed characters or their deep backgrounds. That's why it can get hard writing minor characters while keeping them true to themselves. There just isn't much to write about Joy or Jenny.

Before anyone gets upset, remember that my goal is to write the strangest pairings. Before leaving any tart reviews, please realize that I fully know that these pairings will never happen, are impossible, are weird, are stupid, etc. That's kind of my goal, here. But thank you in advance for any reviews––I will answer all of them.


	2. Barry X Ash Ketchum

**ENTHUSIASM**

"_Mission: to write a collection of one-shots featuring the most impossible __Pokémon pairings."_

**Important Note: **Although this is a collection of odd pairing one-shots, and many other fictions following the same pattern do take requests, please note that I _do not take requests. _I'm lazy, and I'd be afraid to promise a chapter that I couldn't write. But don't let that deter you from offering any suggestions for strange pairings––I do accept all ideas from whoever is kind enough to offer them, though I may not use the ideas directly.

**A Note From Uzu: **Here is an actual twerp ship. I apologize for the large delay on this one, but I'm not really _that _sorry, because this is one of my least popular stories. I like to focus on my larger projects before working on little side ones like this. So without further ado, have a little CollideShippy-ish thing.

* * *

**CollideShipping: Ash X Barry**

Ash was not, by anyone's standards, a highly intelligent being. That being said, none of his acquaintances blamed him for the sudden skittishness he had begun to display around them––Dawn and Brock would exchange knowing glances before sympathetically turning to comfort Ash with a few choice words.

After all, Barry was no longer in town.

It really was a pity, as both Dawn and Brock had grown accustomed to his booming voice and his unexpected appearances. Ash had been the only one to retain his wariness of Barry, always tensing as if in preparation to be collided with. No matter how desperately Dawn and Brock explained to Ash that Barry had left, Ash refused to believe them. He was intent on convincing himself that Barry lurked behind the shadow of every corner, preparing to leap onto him with a scratching cry of warrior quality.

"Come on, Ash," Dawn pleaded, curling her soft fingers into the hem of Ash's shirt sleeve. When Ash stubbornly pulled back, the plastic bangle bracelets on Dawn's arm jangled loudly. A scowl darkened her smooth face, and she angrily lunged forward, closing her fist into his loose shirt collar. Ash gave a choked cry as he was led backwards, Dawn guiding him around to face her. Her blue eyes cloudy, she glared at him, slowly releasing his jacket.

"Ash, the only way to get to the Pokémon Center is through this turn," she impatiently said. "Barry isn't going to come running. I promise, okay?"

Dazed, Ash nodded dumbly, before casting his beseeching gaze toward Brock. "I know where the Center is, Dawn," he said in defeat, sighing. "And I'm glad you're trying to help, but trust me, Barry's coming. I can sense it."

At this declaration, Brock snorted, and Dawn hastened to smother a giggle against her pink palm.

"What?" Ash asked indignantly, crunching his hands into fists, his worn leather gloves squeaking beneath the pressured friction. Startled by Ash's burst of irritation, Pikachu tilted its large head to stare up at its Trainer, its whiskers twitching in curiosity.

"I'm sorry, Ash," Brock apologized, regaining his composure. "It just sounded odd, is all. So... how does your 'Barry sensor' work?"

Dawn stifled another rippling laugh, her dark curtain of hair swinging from side to side as she shook her head in resolve. "Sorry. I didn't mean to make fun of you. But really, how are you able to just _sense _Barry? I've always known that he's strange, but does he have a certain smell, or...?"

Not detecting the trace of sarcasm in Dawn's lilting tone, Ash raised his hand solemnly, almost mirroring his Pikachu's expression of concern. "It's not that," he said in assurance. "It's something else. It's sort of... sort of like a tingle."

"A tingle?" Dawn echoed blankly, a frown of disgust pulling her lips downward. "That's a bit more than I wanted to know, Ash."

"No!" Ash exclaimed, frustrated by his inability to give a comprehensive explanation. He waved his arms wildly, as if frantically swatting millions of microscopic insects. Stunned, Pikachu lowered its small paws, dropping to all fours and bunching its limbs beneath it as if readying itself to leap away from the danger of being trodden on.

"Look," Ash said impatiently, "I'm just saying that I can tell when the guy's around. It's strange, but it's true. It's just like a buzzing in the back of my brain that doesn't go away, and just when it starts turning into a headache, he jumps out of nowhere."

"Does it always happen like that?" Dawn asked suspiciously, shifting her weight to rest on one foot and dropping her hands to rest on her flat hips. "I really don't think it works that way."

"Dawn's right," Brock admitted. "I don't believe headaches are able to be an alert system."

Ash glanced from one uncertain face to the other, disappointment festering in his stomach that his companions didn't have faith in his statements. "Seriously? You believed me when I said I almost captured a Legendary Pokémon, but you don't believe I know where Barry is?"

"He left town, Ash," Dawn promptly said, examining her thumbnail with mild interest. "That means he's not here. He went to challenge the next Gym Leader, and if we don't _hurry––_" she snatched Ash's wrist and threw her weight forward, succeeding in dragging him a few inches––"you'll be way behind him."

It seemed as if all their prodding had finally taken some effect. Puzzled, Ash considered his choices, his shoulders drooping in resignation. "Alright," he muttered. "I'm going. But Barry won't get far ahead. Not with me after him. Come on, Pikachu."

With this announcement, he straightened, allowing Dawn to tighten her grip on his arm as she guided him ahead. Pikachu scurried after the two, chattering cheerfully, and Brock fell into step behind them, as if to ensure that Ash would not execute some stylish maneuvers to escape the uncomfortable situation.

"See?" Happily, Dawn glanced behind her to gauge Ash's expression. He wore an uneasy smile, and the tautness of his back appeared to be smoothing into a slouch. "We're right at the Center, and Barry's nowhere to be seen. You're one kid who isn't going to have a bruised nose from a wreck with him."

As Dawn paced through the sliding glass doors of the Pokémon Center, Ash furtively peered around, relief cooling his warm forehead as he neither heard or saw Barry. A large line had formed in the building, stretching and coiling like an oversized serpent through the lobby.

"Well, this might take a little while," Brock observed, being much taller and capable of partially seeing over the sea of people. "They probably all failed at the Gym and came back to the closest Center to heal up their Pokémon."

"Oh. That's not going to happen to me," Ash promised, a swagger entering his movement as he sauntered closer to Nurse Joy's desk. "I'm giving that Leader a one-hit knock out."

"You can't knock out six Pokémon in one hit," Dawn informed, rolling her dark eyes in exasperation. The sunshine bouncing from her brass hair clips sent small flecks of yellow light scattering through the room, and Ash immediately looked up, tracing the pattern of the reflections.

"Hey!" he said suddenly, noticing something near the nurse's desk that was lost to Dawn and Brock. Abandoning courtesy, he jabbed his finger toward the front of the lobby, his eyes widening. Instinctively, Pikachu latched its claws in Ash's jeans, climbing up his body until it was perched atop his head.

"_Ka-pi-chu_," it called, its squeak urgent. Ash spun around on the heel of his sneaker, nearly managing dodging Brock's attempt at grabbing his shoulder.

"Where are you going?" he asked, refusing to allow Ash freedom, despite his struggling. "Your Pokémon need rest, too. You can't go out and challenge the Gym Leader just yet."

"I have to wait," Ash said adamantly. "Barry's here, and I'm going to end up with a broken nose."

"Barry's here?" Brock echoed blankly. "But he left." He cupped his palm beneath Dawn's elbow, pulling her closer to his side.

"Didn't Barry leave?" he asked solemnly, earning a vehement nod from Dawn. Her eyebrows lowered in doubt as she surveyed Ash's anxious frown.

"Of course he did. Isn't that why we're––" Before she could finish, an unmistakable cry split through her words, and she snapped back in shock, her knit hat sliding askew.

"Hey, guys! Hey! Over here, it's me!" A chorus of miffed grunts and "excuse me"'s sounded, and Ash had barely sidled up to Brock for protection when a familiar blond burst from the crowd.

"Hey, Ash!" Energetically, Barry leaned forward, grasping Ash's fingers in a violent shake. "I was totally thinking you were way back there behind me! I had no idea you'd be right here. But hey, let's make the most of this meeting!"

Ash's baseball cap had slipped forward to cover his eyes during Barry's enthusiastic handshake, and he dumbly adjusted it, nearly tipping Pikachu from his head in the process.

"Oh, hi, Pikachu!" Barry scrubbed his knuckles affectionately into Pikachu's scruff, tousling its fur. "I didn't notice you. But oh, anyway, why are you here, Ash?"

Seizing the opportunity to finally speak, Ash said in his most authoritative, stern voice, "I'm on my way to challenge the next Gym Leader. Why are you here? I thought you were off to do the same."

"Yeah, yeah." Barry's amber eyes were glossy with an air of mischief. "But I kind of lost my way and got into a tangle with some wild Pokémon, and my poor Empoleon got pretty messed up. But it was completely fine in the end," he said offhandedly. "I can get out of a scrape, no problem. And Nurse Joy is back there getting Empoleon fixed up, so I'll be on my way in no time! Hey, I have an idea––why don't we go to the Gym together? It'll be so awesome, like a field trip!"

Barry bounced between Ash and Brock, looping his arm through Ash's as Dawn politely backed away. "Yeah, this is going to be so much fun!" Barry grinned wildly, jerking Ash closer and causing him to stumble. "It was kind of lonely going all that way alone. I mean, I talked to my Empoleon _constantly, _but it doesn't exactly talk back, you know? It'll be so much better traveling with a pal!"

Helplessly, Ash looked at Dawn, and she shook her head, mouthing silently in exaggerated syllables, "_No way I'm getting you out of this one._" Brock retreated as well, leaving a wide space around Ash and Barry that plainly signified this was Ash's problem, and he could handle it himself.

"Well, Barry, I was thinking that... we could maybe go separately?" Ash cringed at his own pitiful excuse. He honestly liked Barry––the boy radiated a bright personality, but Ash wasn't keen on traveling with him. There was only so much he could tolerate.

"Separately?" Barry echoed. "You mean, like, I go first and you follow in an hour?"

"Yes?"

"Of course not!" Barry clenched his fingers into Ash's arm, a fleeting spark flashing through his eyes. "That would be so boring! No, we're going together. It'll be great. Come on, Ash! Let's go––I'm giving you a thousand dollar fine if you're not ready in five minutes!"

"I don't mind watching him if he comes," Brock said, shrugging carelessly. Dawn absentmindedly plucked a loose pink thread from her skirt, not offering her opinion.

"It won't be so bad," Ash weakly said as Barry bolted toward the front desk to retrieve his Poké Balls. "As long as he doesn't talk a lot or run into me."

"Sure." Peevishly, Dawn pushed her hair over her shoulder, not seeming to be concerning herself with Ash's misgivings. "Well, we'd better get going, then, I guess. You should go ahead and get your Pokémon healed, too, before you start tingling again."

She giggled quietly, and Brock coughed discreetly to cover a laugh. Ash sighed, shoving through the crowd to trudge toward Nurse Joy.

Of course Barry was a decent young man. But Ash thought that, perhaps, Barry could be a decent young man somewhere a_ bit_ farther away from him.

* * *

**A Note From Uzu: **That was more CollideShippy on Barry's part. It always seemed to me that Barry was way more enthusiastic about Ash than Ash was about him. Oh, well. I don't know which pairing I'll post for, next.


End file.
